Staying Married in a World of Quitters

Guard Yourself from Selfish Love

To all my married friends, guard your relationships. Just because you both are Christians doesn't mean things will be easier or that you won't have to work at it. So many Christian couples are giving up on their marriage these days. I have heard of probably 5 in the last few months. Why can't we realize that marriage is for life? When we stand before God and recite vows to our partner and God like "till death do us part," did we realize what we were saying? This is a profound vow, not just a vow, but a covenant. Covenants in biblical times were often sealed with the shedding of blood, like a sacrifice. Nowadays we don't go out and burn a calf, instead our covenant should be the sacrifice of ourselves. The commitment to lay down our life, wishes, desires, and will if necessary to make a wonderful life for that other person. This is a complete counter-culture to the world we are living in today that pushes, "you are most important." "What's important is that you're happy and fulfilled." When did we adopt the belief that we got married for someone to support us and make us happy all the time? The belief that what is most important is whether he/she fulfills me and does what I need for them to do? This is a very self-centered view of marriage and doesn't at all describe love as God see it. I Corinthians talks about love that is not selfish, that love bears all things and endures all things. Where is the commitment? Why is it we can be more committed to a friend or job than a spouse?

Don't Be Empowered by Society's Lies

Society seeks to empower people to be independent. Nowadays the world teaches that you "don't have to take that" and should leave your spouse if things get the slightest bit unpleasant. I had a conversation with someone this week who told me of her friend who had a lazy, alcoholic husband. While no one would want to live with someone like this, she is married to him. Of course, everyone agreed that she should leave him, and while I'm sure I would want to leave, it's not that simple. God doesn't give us a free pass when things get tough. In fact, the Scriptures talk about this very situation and say that Christian women should stay with their husband because they might win him to Christ with their actions.

Guard Your Marriage from Infidelity

Society has treated infidelity as commonplace and a "normal" part of marriage. When a person cheats on their marriage, sometimes the world will excuse it saying, "he/she wasn't getting any attention at home. What do you expect?" Friends, this kind of behavior is inexcusable. Period. God says that it is a sin, and it is according to the Scriptures the only reason by which a person can divorce his/her spouse.  For many unfortunately, infidelity is becoming a "norm." It can be a simple thing that a person can fall into when we have relationships with people of the opposite sex that are too close or personal and do not include our spouse. Guard yourself from even appearing to be up to something like that because jealousy and suspicion can break a marriage just as easily as infidelity.

Don't Put Stock in "The Shine"

Don't be fooled by the world's approach that you can trade your partner in for a newer model when the shine wears off. Listen, the shine on everything wears off. It will never be the way it was when you were dating and thank goodness for that! I was so immature and silly when my husband and I were dating. We didn't truly understand or relate to each other in the way we do now. Our love has changed, but in an awesome way. It's a deep-rooted love that is not easily swayed by emotions or circumstances. We no longer have an argument and contemplate "breaking up," like we did when we were dating. We know that disagreements will happen, but that we are committed to each other and working it out. If you are going to be committed to anyone or anything, you must have the attitude that you aren't going anywhere and leaving isn't an option. When leaving is an option, you will one day consider it.

"But, doesn't God want me to be happy?"

Somewhere along the way, this twisted truth has entered the church that "God wants me to be happy." While I don't believe that God would want you to be unhappy necessarily; we are bound to have unhappy situations in life due to this fallen, imperfect, sinful world that we live in. Everybody goes thru seasons in their life when they are not "happy" with their kids, spouse, job, church, etc., but we don't run away or throw it all away to chase something else. Can you imagine what life would be like if we ONLY did what made us happy? Everyone would be obese from eating what ever they wanted all the time, no one would work, bringing the collapse of our society, orphans would flood the streets as parents would toss them out to realize their own dreams, thefts, murders, rapes, and sexually transmitted diseases would skyrocket as people did whatever "made them happy." God's laws are not there to take away our happiness, but to keep us from utter destruction. Just like a child who thinks he knows best, we must be steered by our Father into what is truly best for us.

Don't Be Taken In By Appearances

Just because something LOOKS better or more appealing, doesn't mean that we should trust it. Remember, Satan can appear as an angel of light; he will trick you into believing you are doing the right thing. He has torn apart so many families and lives because people are pulled away. The Bible calls it "being drawn away by your own lusts." Just because there's a man or woman who has come into your life and pays attention to you, says the right things, seems to care more than your spouse, doesn't mean this is the way to go. Watch out! It's a trap! Satan also goes about as a roaring lion seeking who he may devour. Notice it says may, as if he has to have permission or easy access. Will you let him devour your life, marriage, or family?

Where do we go from here?

If your marriage is on the rocks, don't feel alone. Many people go thru difficult times in their marriages. Perhaps now's the time to focus on reconnecting and figuring out where things went off course. Some basic things all couples need to do:

• Read the Bible and discuss it together. There's nothing better than growing together on a spiritual level.
• Attend church together. You never know if something the preacher preaches may make the difference in the way your spouse treats you.
• Have a date night. It doesn't have to be anything extravagant. Just get alone and talk, or do something fun together to relieve some stress. When you invest in your relationship, you will see a return.
• Talk it out. Don't let things build up, and don't keep your feelings hidden. The only way to move forward is to talk about it.
• Respect and love. Women crave love and men crave respect. Be the first to show it, and you will get it in return.

While I am in no way a marriage guru or counselor, I hope that your reading this has uplifted you and encourages you to give your marriage another shot or to strengthen what you already have. Feel free to leave a comment below. God bless!

Dislike or Envy?

If you've been in church more than a minute, you've heard these critical people (who think they have it all figured out) tear someone apart over a piece of fried chicken at lunch. Question: When did it become ok to criticize our brothers in Christ? Doesn't the world have criticism aplenty for Christians?  The topic I'm hearing most frequently lately are tv preachers. Look, I don't watch every tv minister out there on a regular basis and am somewhat neutral on them. Sure, some of them have their little quirks, like catch-phrases, habits, and funny mannerisms, but before you cast stones, did you ever stop and ask yourself what makes you want to throw stones in the first place? Could it simply stem from envy? Before you deny it, think about it. When's the last time you heard someone criticize that quiet little church down the street with 20 people in attendance on Sunday? Never. 

Who do people criticize most? Those in the public eye! The mega-churches, the satellite ministries, those who are having hundreds or thousands come to know Christ through their ministry. You might say, "yeah, but mega-churches are a new thing, and I'm not sure I agree with it" or "I heard they do this or that." First off don't believe everything you hear. Anything exciting usually creates a stir and with it misinformation and even gossip. Don't believe me? Remember in Jesus' time? There were all kinds of rumors circulating about him. Rumors that He was filled with devils and used the power of the devil to cast out demons. Ridiculous, right? Yet there were people who were fooled into believing those lies. People were so outraged that they wanted to kill Him, and who was leading the pack? The religious people! That's right the Sadducees and Pharisees were jealous of Jesus' ministry because He was essentially a walking mega-church. He had thousands that would follow Him and turn out to hear Him speak. He made a huge impact in every community He visited by healing everyone who was sick and oppressed of the devil. The Pharisees and Sadducees were ticked by Jesus' growing popularity and influence. Concerned that they were becoming irrelevant and ineffective, but rather than examine their own ministry (which was clearly lacking as Jesus had to cleanse the Temple) they decided it would be better to just kill Jesus and get back to business as usual. In reality, the religious folks' ministry had become ineffective and irrelevant. People who were not rich enough couldn't buy sacrifices, those who were sick were deemed unclean and shunned, and those who were sinful were outcasts and unwelcome. Sound familiar? Well, that's another blog for another time. Basically Jesus was reaching out to those that otherwise would never see Him. He wasn't looking for the perfect church-goer. It was as He said that the sick needed a physician. Jesus just saw a world of lost and dying people who had been overlooked by the church and reached out to them. It was that simple! 

Even in Jesus' time there were others who were going about preaching and baptizing. "And John answered him, saying, 'Master, we saw one casting out devils in thy name, and he followeth not us: and we forbad him, because he followeth not us.' But Jesus said, 'Forbid him not: for there is no man which shall do a miracle in my name, that can lightly speak evil of me. For he that is not against us is on our part.'" (Mark 9:38-40 KJV) Just because someone interprets his/her Bible a little differently, doesn't mean that they are against us or un-Christian. Who knows? Perhaps if we were to study our Bibles a little more, we would find that there is merit in their differing points of view. The main thing is that they are preaching Jesus and salvation. Scriptures put it like this, "But avoid foolish and ignorant disputes, knowing that they generate strife. And a servant of the Lord must not quarrel but be gentle to all, able to teach, patient, in humility correcting those who are in opposition, if God perhaps will grant them repentance, so that they may know the truth." (II Timothy 2:23-25 NKJV)

Many times people criticize preachers who teach something they feel is incorrect. However, if we are being real with ourself we must realize that one will never completely agree on everything with anyone. Bottom line: People make mistakes and are not always correct. Perhaps a minister is in a bit of error on something in their own personal beliefs, perhaps you or I could be in error about something we never realized. Don't be as arrogant or naive to believe that you or your pastor could not be incorrect on something. If you suspect someone is incorrect about something, don't assume you are right. Study it out! If they are incorrect, pray for them, speak with them, and if they are a preacher, you can always not listen to their messages.

So rather than sit and stew because some ministry is growing faster and larger than your own, maybe start asking yourself, am I reaching out to the undesirable? The unclean of our community? Have I fallen into a rut by ministering to those who seem "saved" or " like me?" All I'm asking is that we stop trying to act like this is about another ministry when it's really about the fact that our ministries are not growing in the same magnitude as these and perhaps we're feeling just a little bit envious. 

While I personally do not attend a mega-church though I have before, I have seen members of my family saved at a mega-church, involved in ministry, attending church faithfully, and never been happier! Please understand I am not here to put in a plug for any ministry, and if after reading this you still completely disagree, that's alright. Different strokes for different folks. All I'm saying is let's not tear down those who are laboring and ultimately trying to win people to Christ. Peace. Love. Jesus. That is the message we bring. 

Grandma used to say....

 Ephesians 4:13-15 "...till we all come to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to a perfect man, to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ; ¹⁴ that we should no longer be children, tossed to and fro and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the trickery of men, in the cunning craftiness of deceitful plotting, ¹⁵ but, speaking the truth in love, may grow up in all things into Him who is the head—Christ—"

With so many ministers out there behind pulpits in every church, on tv, internet, radio, in books and even on podcast, there is a lot of teaching going on out there. Some of it's great, and some of it could be potentially toxic. As we all know, what we believe will turn into what we think, and what we think will come out of our mouths, and there is power in what we speak. So how do you know the difference between solid teaching and toxic teaching? Balance it with the word of God! What does God's Word say on this subject? Just a hint, don't take just 1 or 2 examples from the Bible. You need solid scriptural points. Here's what does NOT qualify as solid scripture:

• Song lyrics - Anyone, and I mean ANYONE can write a song. While I'm all for Christian music, that does not mean that everything that you hear is scriptural and should be taken as truth or worse, used to create or support a doctrinal belief. It's a pet peeve of mine, but please don't try to support your doctrine by quoting a song! This just won't hold water.
• Catch phrases - Just because it rhymes or rolls of the tongue doesn't make it anointed or true. Be smart folks, you may have heard preachers and church people from all over the world say it, but it doesn't mean it's in the Bible or supported by the Bible.Can't tell you the number of times people have said, "I think that's in the Bible somewhere" or "I thought for sure that was in there." Only to realize that they've been quoting catch phrases as Scripture.
• Traditions - Just because it's what you've always heard or your parents told you that, doesn't mean it's scriptural. Unfortunately, if you can't find 3-4 scriptures, not stories to be interpreted lots of ways, but actual scriptures, then it's probably opinion. Check it out in the Word! 
• Books and commentaries - While book and commentaries can be enlightening and great tool to study the word, we've got to be careful to base our beliefs on opinions. Make sure that what you are reading is rooted in Scripture and should frequently reference Scripture to make their points.

 Since becoming an adult and moving out on my own, I have really start to examine some of the beliefs I've always held. One thing I've realized is that I don't know everything, and that if I want to know more, I've got to get into the Word. This is so important for so many reasons, but mainly we need to be able to share our faith with others. To do that, we have to be able to show them in Scripture where these truths are kept and on what our foundation is based.

If our faith is based on little thoughts and phrases, then it is no more effective or strong than that of any other faith. For instance, you can strongly say "I believe...," but if that belief can not be found in Scripture, then that belief is no different than the beliefs of the Muslim or Buddhist. All of them strongly believe in something, but as we know this belief holds no power because only the Word of God holds truth and power for living.

I remember hearing one teacher say it like this. When you are listening to teaching or preaching, you need to have your antenna up. You need to be thinking about what is being said and checking that against the Scripture you know. Thinking things like: Does this mesh with the nature of God? Does this support what I already know of Scripture? Can I think of any other Scriptures that talk about this? 

Don't be taken in by fancy presentations, opinions, or flashy degrees and experience. While we tend to think that those who have studied the Word and have lots of experience preaching or teaching do know a lot, we need to remember that these folks and human; it doesn't mean that they are always right. So no matter how much faith you have in the person's credentials, you need to find out for yourself. Remember, when you are looking up Scriptures, read a few verses before and after to get the full effect the writer is trying to convey. Just like the media takes things said in interviews out of context, we can do the same thing if we don't consider the full point that is being made. So make sure you don't pick out what you think it's saying without really looking first. 

Bottom line: Everyone has thoughts and opinions, but we can't hold those in higher regard than the Word of God. Be open-minded. Don't assume because you've thought that way a long time that it is the correct way. Examine the Scripture from lots of angles, and don't be too proud to admit that you don't know something or maybe you've been wrong about something. This only means you are catching an even greater grasp of Scripture and growing! I think the Scripture below really sums it up. 

2 Timothy 2: 15 "Study to show thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth."

I Need A Hero

Maybe you've been watching the new Batman films like I have. They are truly some of the most successful films to have come out in the past couple of years. I think the hero and villain plots are always exciting, and Batman is a part of a lot of folks' childhoods, but I think that these films connect with us on a much deeper level than that. In every film we see a community racked by crime, poverty, crooked politicians and government officials, and a city on the brink of destruction. Mostly we see a people without hope. Sound familiar? In most metropolises where crime is on the rise, many are without jobs and even those with jobs are struggling, politicians are constantly being caught doing immoral and illegal things, while natural disasters and a failing economic system hover overhead it's no wonder that our country has lost hope. Many feel that if the wealthy would just give more money to charity, if the private sector could create more jobs, or if the government could straighten things out, our country would be ok. The problem though is much more far-reaching than anything any one person or group of people could do. We need a hero. No, not like Superman or Batman. We need someone to fix this mess and to save humanity from themselves. Unfortunately the bulk of our troubles come from within. According to Scripture, "sin entered the world by one man." Before sin entered the world, there was no sickness, poverty, death, natural disasters, or evil. Once Adam and Eve made the decision to disobey God, they opened the door for a whole lot more than they bargained. It became difficult to provide for families, man now had selfish and evil desires and the first murder took place not long after this. Yet, God didn't leave us to our misery. Instead He sent His Son, the One He loved most to be sacrificed for us because He loved us even more. Jesus said, "I am come that you might have life, and life more abundantly." God sent His Son to bleed and die, to suffer the most cruel death that we might be able to choose a different life. A life, not free from pain, but free of separation from God. God has made us many promises in His Word, from health to prosperity, to salvation for our loved ones, to peace and joy. Truly, He is our hero, if we will but accept Him and let Him not only bring eternal salvation, but peace and joy if we rely on Him each and every day. He brings hope in hopeless situations and peace against impossible odds. Will you be saved? Will you fall into the arms of a loving God who is seeking to help you through this difficult life? Or will you reject all He is offering you today?

What does it really mean to be a Christian?

This is something that I've pondered upon lately. No doubt we all have different ideas about what Christianity is, and while I'm not new to Christianity, I've started to reevaluate my own walk. Who am I? What is it that I should represent? How does my walk reflect Jesus Christ?

First of all, we know that Christianity is based on a belief in Jesus Christ as the Savior and Son of God. When we look at the life and teachings of Jesus. One thing always stands out: LOVE. Love is what is at the heart of the gospels, but what is LOVE? While we ponder what love IS, let's ponder what love is NOT. If we look at the Scriptures in I Corinthians 13 that love "doesn't envy, boast, isn't proud, rude, selfish, easily angered, doesn't keep a record of wrongs, doesn't delight in evil." How many times have my words said one thing, but my heart, my thoughts, my actions said something different? How many times have we been proud to be a Christian. So proud that we alienate others who are not Christians. How many times have we boasted in our possessions and envying those who have more than we do? How many times have we jumped to conclusions, been quick to bite some one's head off, made a rude comment to someone because they didn't do their job to our satisfaction, or kept a list of times a person has done us wrong only to turn it on them like a knife?

To be full of love, means that that love will spill out onto others. See the Scriptures say to love our neighbor, not a selective few. It is so easy to love those that love you, but instead we should love those that don't love us, in fact, we should love those that reject our love, because ultimately that is the love of the Father. He loved us while we rejected Him. Not only did He love us, but He gave us the most precious sacrifice that He could give. "But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." Romans 5:8

The Father never gave up on us; He never pre-judged us that we were not worth the effort, or assumed we wouldn't be interested in His grace. Were it not for His grace and goodness, we would have had no hope. Have you given up on someone in Your own life, because it was too difficult to love them? Did you feel like there was no hope for them? That they were too far gone? Remember that Christ died for You and me, but for that person as well. It is not up to us to decide who is too far gone. It is only our job to love.  Here is what love is: "Love is patient, kind, rejoices in the truth, protects, trusts, hopes, perseveres, and never fails." How is your love today? If you are low on love, it's time to reexamine your walk with Christ. To truly follow Him is to love without reservation, without discrimination, and without limitation. "We know that we have passed from death unto life, because we love the brethren...” (1 John 3:14).