Guard Yourself from Selfish Love
To all my married friends, guard your relationships. Just because you both are Christians doesn't mean things will be easier or that you won't have to work at it. So many Christian couples are giving up on their marriage these days. I have heard of probably 5 in the last few months. Why can't we realize that marriage is for life? When we stand before God and recite vows to our partner and God like "till death do us part," did we realize what we were saying? This is a profound vow, not just a vow, but a covenant. Covenants in biblical times were often sealed with the shedding of blood, like a sacrifice. Nowadays we don't go out and burn a calf, instead our covenant should be the sacrifice of ourselves. The commitment to lay down our life, wishes, desires, and will if necessary to make a wonderful life for that other person. This is a complete counter-culture to the world we are living in today that pushes, "you are most important." "What's important is that you're happy and fulfilled." When did we adopt the belief that we got married for someone to support us and make us happy all the time? The belief that what is most important is whether he/she fulfills me and does what I need for them to do? This is a very self-centered view of marriage and doesn't at all describe love as God see it. I Corinthians talks about love that is not selfish, that love bears all things and endures all things. Where is the commitment? Why is it we can be more committed to a friend or job than a spouse?
Don't Be Empowered by Society's Lies
Society seeks to empower people to be independent. Nowadays the world teaches that you "don't have to take that" and should leave your spouse if things get the slightest bit unpleasant. I had a conversation with someone this week who told me of her friend who had a lazy, alcoholic husband. While no one would want to live with someone like this, she is married to him. Of course, everyone agreed that she should leave him, and while I'm sure I would want to leave, it's not that simple. God doesn't give us a free pass when things get tough. In fact, the Scriptures talk about this very situation and say that Christian women should stay with their husband because they might win him to Christ with their actions.
Guard Your Marriage from Infidelity
Society has treated infidelity as commonplace and a "normal" part of marriage. When a person cheats on their marriage, sometimes the world will excuse it saying, "he/she wasn't getting any attention at home. What do you expect?" Friends, this kind of behavior is inexcusable. Period. God says that it is a sin, and it is according to the Scriptures the only reason by which a person can divorce his/her spouse. For many unfortunately, infidelity is becoming a "norm." It can be a simple thing that a person can fall into when we have relationships with people of the opposite sex that are too close or personal and do not include our spouse. Guard yourself from even appearing to be up to something like that because jealousy and suspicion can break a marriage just as easily as infidelity.
Don't Put Stock in "The Shine"
Don't be fooled by the world's approach that you can trade your partner in for a newer model when the shine wears off. Listen, the shine on everything wears off. It will never be the way it was when you were dating and thank goodness for that! I was so immature and silly when my husband and I were dating. We didn't truly understand or relate to each other in the way we do now. Our love has changed, but in an awesome way. It's a deep-rooted love that is not easily swayed by emotions or circumstances. We no longer have an argument and contemplate "breaking up," like we did when we were dating. We know that disagreements will happen, but that we are committed to each other and working it out. If you are going to be committed to anyone or anything, you must have the attitude that you aren't going anywhere and leaving isn't an option. When leaving is an option, you will one day consider it.
"But, doesn't God want me to be happy?"
Somewhere along the way, this twisted truth has entered the church that "God wants me to be happy." While I don't believe that God would want you to be unhappy necessarily; we are bound to have unhappy situations in life due to this fallen, imperfect, sinful world that we live in. Everybody goes thru seasons in their life when they are not "happy" with their kids, spouse, job, church, etc., but we don't run away or throw it all away to chase something else. Can you imagine what life would be like if we ONLY did what made us happy? Everyone would be obese from eating what ever they wanted all the time, no one would work, bringing the collapse of our society, orphans would flood the streets as parents would toss them out to realize their own dreams, thefts, murders, rapes, and sexually transmitted diseases would skyrocket as people did whatever "made them happy." God's laws are not there to take away our happiness, but to keep us from utter destruction. Just like a child who thinks he knows best, we must be steered by our Father into what is truly best for us.
Don't Be Taken In By Appearances
Just because something LOOKS better or more appealing, doesn't mean that we should trust it. Remember, Satan can appear as an angel of light; he will trick you into believing you are doing the right thing. He has torn apart so many families and lives because people are pulled away. The Bible calls it "being drawn away by your own lusts." Just because there's a man or woman who has come into your life and pays attention to you, says the right things, seems to care more than your spouse, doesn't mean this is the way to go. Watch out! It's a trap! Satan also goes about as a roaring lion seeking who he may devour. Notice it says may, as if he has to have permission or easy access. Will you let him devour your life, marriage, or family?
Where do we go from here?
If your marriage is on the rocks, don't feel alone. Many people go thru difficult times in their marriages. Perhaps now's the time to focus on reconnecting and figuring out where things went off course. Some basic things all couples need to do:
- Read the Bible and discuss it together. There's nothing better than growing together on a spiritual level.
- Attend church together. You never know if something the preacher preaches may make the difference in the way your spouse treats you.
- Have a date night. It doesn't have to be anything extravagant. Just get alone and talk, or do something fun together to relieve some stress. When you invest in your relationship, you will see a return.
- Talk it out. Don't let things build up, and don't keep your feelings hidden. The only way to move forward is to talk about it.
- Respect and love. Women crave love and men crave respect. Be the first to show it, and you will get it in return.
While I am in no way a marriage guru or counselor, I hope that your reading this has uplifted you and encourages you to give your marriage another shot or to strengthen what you already have. Feel free to leave a comment below. God bless!
